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“I JUST CRIED ABOUT A BRACHIOSAURUS” – attempting to review Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

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Let’s make this clear.

I absolutely suck at writing reviews.

Especially of films.

For a start, any decent review mentions actors, directors, prouducers. Visual effect people. All that stuff.

I do not go into a film knowing any of that aforementioned ‘stuff’.

In fact, when I’m watching a film with my husband and he starts with the “oh I’ve seen him before, he played blah blah in blah blah and IMDB blah” I totally zone out. Evidently.

So my reviews will always be very much lacking on the ‘Mr Director showed his background in horror movies with his use of suspense’ and ‘Mrs Actor, famous for her role in That Film’ front.

I go by my gut. Liking things. Not liking things. The odd bit of outrage.

So what about Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom?

fallen_kingdo_lead

Here’s a hint: I started writing this blog post before I even left the cinema, when I still found myself vaguely teary about the fate of a CGI Brachiosaurus.

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“WHAT THE HELL KIND OF ACCENT WAS THAT?” – The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society Film Review

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I had to go and see it.

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society film came out in cinemas last week, and I was at the cinema as soon as I could throw myself through the doors. As a born and bred genuine Guernsey donkey – one currently living 350 miles away and feeling a little homesick – I was dying to see my homeland represented on the big screen. I read the book, by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows, years and years ago, and I enjoyed it. Oh, it had its issues – quite a lot of them, when it came to historical accuracy – but it was inoffensive, and had some stellar characters that propelled it into something a bit special.

Could the film live up to expectations and show my beautiful island in all its glory?

The fact it’s taken me over a week to write this review probably says quite a lot…

I’m going to go right in and say: I raged my way all the way through this film. It’s a good thing my friend Hannah and I were among only about eight people in the cinema at the time, because every so often I couldn’t help but expectorate a hiss of “FUCK OFF” or “WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?”.

I honestly don’t know how to write this review, because I had so, so many issues with this film. I should probably divide it into two sections: issues with the adaptation from the book to a film, and the problematic nature of its representation of Guernsey.

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